SNL - Short 'n' Curly

1min23sec
When this originally aired on SNL, it drove death nail into any hopes of attracting conservative viewers. They keep pushing the envelope. Don't worry; the nudity is mosaic, but if you can't imagine, you have no imagination.

The Davinci Gode (A Parody of "The Davinci Code") - Of Course!

1min49sec
For those of you truly offended by sacrilege and semi-porn, skip this one. However, the French bastards that made this don't really give a shit! It is in French but requires no translation. Hopefully, Jesus has a sense of humor.

XXX - Not as it seems...Those silly French!

:20
This must be watched at length in order to fully appreciate the artistry of the French!

Saturday Night Live (SNL) - Music Video - "Dick In A Box" Uncensored - Justin Timberlake & Andy Samberg

SNL A Special Christmas Box - Watch more free videos

2min 45 sec
Dick In A Box - Uncensored was originally aired last month on SNL and certainly continued Timberlake's risque humor living up to the Janet Jackson "Titty-Rippoff" of grand infamy.

Saturday Night Live (SNL) - Natalie Portman Rap - Suck My D!@K!-Surprises Young Men Who Didn't know She Had One!

Original SNL Music Video-Wait to load
Egotastic.com



2min30sec
A Unique Response to Natalie Portman's Rap - Suck My D!@k!
Saturday Night Live sketch, in the Digital Short Video segment series starring Natalie Portman. Chris Parnell and Adam Samburg also starred in the original short. This sketch was hilarious. This young man upon discovery Natalie has a D!@K, is clearly upset.

It is censored as it was publicly broadcast, but unless your "rhymer" is out of order, you will get it. Natalie certainly did her best to reverse her rated G image from her "Star Wars" movies. I just hope that the boys are not too disappointed.

Foley-"I gotta big one"---Bush---"Well, in Texas we got some whoppers!"

By Chinko Vergudo

You know, those Washington guys should really be aware of the hidden shotgun microphones and telephoto cameras.

I a recent conversation between President Bush and then Congressman Mark Foley, the two were heard and seen exchanging conquest stories. I can only say they are clearly size queens. Who would have known this conversation would come back to haunt them now that Foley is "out"?


I will tell you this: it had something to do with the real reason Cheney is the bigger man in this administration. I only wish I had not been warned this conversation had been deemed a matter of national security and had been classified, but it is a "big" story. I guess we will have to wait until the file has been declassified by the upcoming Democratic president Ronald Reagan, Jr.



While Cheney is the man behind the president he knows who's on top, Bush certainly prefers to bring people to their knees. Oops! I wasn't supposed to let that one slip. But you never heard it from me.

Smart-Al Gore Fights Wierd-Al Yankovich

Celebrity Deathmatch: Wierd Al Yankovich vs Al Gore

This is a great claymation style video; behind the scenes and in the ring, this is a gem! You gotta love all "Al's".
7 min 33 sec

Need Glasses? Always Know What You're Blowing!

OK. Let's face it; Blowjobs are funny! This ad for an optical company could only run in a free country... Germany.

This is just in case you were wondering why you couldn't feel it.

Is President Bush a Girly Man?

Recent news from a very reputable syndicated journalist has just surfaced. NOT A JOKE!

WayneMadsenReport.com
June 4, 2006 -- More on George W. Bush's "Sanctity of Marriage" gay marriage constitutional ban.

George W. Bush's marital problems have just taken another turn for the worse. Apparently, Mr. Bush has not only engaged in an extra-marital affair with a member of the opposite sex who is also a senior member of his Cabinet, but also a member of the same sex. WMR received the following release this morning from Leola McConnell, Democratic candidate for Governor of Nevada (who has been endorsed by WMR). McConnell is a one-time professional dominatrix.

"President Bush's speech to the nation Monday. If he doesn't say he's a gay American or at the least a bisexual one then he shouldn't be making one at all. And the notion that it would be in regards to writing bigotry into our nation's Constitution is reprehensible.

Too bad it isn't me doing the rebuttal because in 1984, I watched him perform (with the enthusiasm of homosexual male who had done this many times before) a homosexual act on another man, namely Victor Ashe. Victor Ashe is the current Ambassador to the nation of Poland who should also come out like former Governor McGreevey of New Jersey and admit to being a gay American. Other homo-erotic acts were also performed by then private citizen George Bush because I performed one of them on him personally.

I am the woman this website (bushssecretlifein84.tripod.com) speaks of that has been posted on the net nearly two years now. None of this would be the business of anyone but President Bush's little ruse to save his failed presidency by using DOMA [Defense of Marriage Act] to divide Americans one from the other has to be exposed as the act of a desperate closeted homosexual man. The only crime in being GLBT is in the hiding.

The President needs to come clean with the American people about his own past sexual behavior before he tries to besmirch the humanity of people in search of sincerely committing to the same bonds of matrimony he's afforded. He violated his own vows of monogamy having a homosexual affair with a long time family friend of whom his wife had no knowledge.

His hypocrisy seems to know no bounds. I had planned to run for governor of Nevada without going into any of this but his planned nationally televised address to the nation makes it necessary for me to address his attempt at division in as public a way as he picked to try this Bushification of reality regarding same sex marriages.

Sincerely,
Leola McConnell
Liberal Democratic candidate for Governor of Nevada"

Related Commentary on DULY CONSIDER - Bush Gay Ban Pandering

Is President Bush a Girly Man? (HUMOR)
by Betty Bowers

Article

Is Ann Coulter A Man? If So--She's Got Balls!

PRESIDENT BUSH DEFENDS ANN COULTER FROM SLANDEROUS LIBERAL ALLEGATIONS OF TRANSSEXUALITY - whitehouse.org 2002

Press Briefing by the President

THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. Please be seated. Let's get right down to business. This morning, I am joined here at the presidential podium by my good friend and tireless champion - the lovely and talented Ms. Ann Coulter.

MISS COULTER: That's "Miss Coulter," not "Ms."

THE PRESIDENT: My mistake. Please forgive me.

MISS COULTER: I would never be known as Ms. Coulter. "Ms." is liberal, Gloria Steinem code for "Attention all fat, hairy bull dykes within earshot! My hot clam requests the pleasure of your filthy tongue's epileptic company!"

THE PRESIDENT: I did not know that. But let's move on, because I am hopping mad. Earlier this morning, when I received my daily 5AM singing "Wake Up, Sleepyhead" call from Karen Hughes in Texas, I learned about a vicious, unsubstantiated, HATEFUL rumor which is being spread about Miss Coulter. Namely, that she is in fact a man.

MISS COULTER: This is exactly the kind of liberal lie that I expose in my book Slander, which is now available at fine booksellers nationwide (and online) for the almost offensively low sale price of $15.00. In this 240-page masterpiece, I effortlessly and brilliantly debunk every liberal myth about conservatives. Preposterous myths - like how we secretly hate kikes, jigaboos, gooks, faggots, spicks, and sand niggers - but have lately taken to twisting things around and make it sound like it's really the liberals who hate them.

THE PRESIDENT: And you do a splendid job of it, Ann.

MISS COULTER: I know that! I don't need you to tell me how splendid I am. Anyway, I thought we were talking about my book.

THE PRESIDENT: Actually, no, we're here because I want to help clear up this nonsense about you really being a man. Now I want everyone to know - there's simply no way this can be true. Never mind Ann's rich, gravelly baritone, her commanding height and forceful jawline - or the fact that she arm wrestles Arnold Schwarzenegger under the table every year at the GOP celebrity retreat in Branson, Missouri. Because yes, Miss Coulter is in fact a genuine piece of Grade-A poontang, and will one day soon become successfully impregnated by a wealthy and statuesque Aryan stallion, at which time she'll do like a good Republican lady and quit all this silly "working" and "pretending to know what she's talking about" and wearing "lady pantsuits." So I want you to all to read my lips and get this through your thick skulls: Ann Coulter has always been, and always will be a woman.

MISS COULTER: It's hardly a surprise that liberals would concoct such an absurd lie about me. They do it all the time. In fact, coming up with sickening lies about formerly flat-chested good girls who wear size 15 pumps is an integral part of one of their most important daily rituals - the ceremonial vivisection and cannibalization of living, white human infants.

THE PRESIDENT: Is that a fact?

MISS COULTER: Absolutely. And when they're done feasting on the tender young flesh of the white race, they regroup several hours later to defecate together on rug-sized reproductions of the United States Constitution. And then of course, they pray to Satan and Allah while strapping each other into latex gravity boot systems so they can hang upside down like rabid, naked fruit bats for the rest of the day and watch Phil Donahue on MSNBC while urine runs down their inverted torsos and in to their hideous, liberal, gaping maws!

THE PRESIDENT: The depth and accuracy of your knowledge never fails to amaze, Ann.

MISS COULTER: Don't patronize me. It won't work - because I haven't forgotten how you cozied up with Mr. Fatso Slut Murderer - Ted Kennedy - to write that Socialist education bill earlier this year. So tell me, President Bipartisan Lovefest, are you actually a liberal?

THE PRESIDENT: You know, I think I've successfully diffused this silly notion of you being a man. Why don't we wrap this up, Ann?

MISS COULTER: Answer the question! Are you now or have you ever been a member of the liberal intelligentsia?! Did you not attend Yale and Harvard Universities? Were you not born in CONNECTICUT?! Oh wait, so was I. Never mind on that one.

THE PRESIDENT: Guard! Please show Miss Coulter the door.

MISS COULTER: You can run from the truth, but you can't hide, LIBERAL! TRAITOR! I've got a throbbing eight-inch staff of conservative payback in my panties that's got your name written all over it!! So come on over and take it like a man!

THE PRESIDENT: Take her away, boys.

MISS COULTER: It's just a matter of time! The real right-wing of this country will have its revenge! We will storm your...

(Secret Service Scuffling & Muffled, Gruff Yelling.)

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all for coming. God Bless America.

Once and for all-Is Ann Coulter really a man? Poll Results Official!
	Yes
	No
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Free polls from Pollhost.com

Raising Twin Harlots Can Be Difficult

Laura Bush is interviewed for the first time on the difficulties of raising her twin harlots. This story is possibly the funniest I have read on the net. The funniest thing is the painful poetic jusctice that is the truth. Betty Bowers reports:

Bush Family Criminal Empire--Funny If It Were A Joke

Source: Political Strikes

Al Gore's March Of The Penguins

Though I absolutely adore Al Gore, I just have to give you this very cute story of Al Gore's real "Inconvenient Truth". He is currently building an army of penguins to follow him to the ends of the earth to save their habitat. I have it on clear authority, Gore claims this is NOT funny and finds no conflict of interest between humans and penguins.

2:04

Stephen Colbert At The White House Correspondents Dinner - - Part 2

Catch your breath and see the rest!

08:38

Stephen Colbert At The White House Correspondents Dinner - - Part 1

This is the infamous speech from Stephen Colbert. You decide if this is hard news or comedy. It is certainly ingenious!

8:36

Bush the Girly Man Loves Blair, Forever...

This news, just in: Investigators have uncovered a little tryst that has according to many, gone on for years right under our noses. Yes, it's true, reports that had previously been hushed, but the fires of which had previously been fanned by investigative Christian site bettybowers.com, have turned out to be completely true. Bush IS a girly man!

He had hinted at this quite strongly with his repeated use of the word, "FAAABULOUS", and his mother has kept tightlipped about it until now as well. Laura is shocked but not amazed as she has known for years but only the public knowledge has truly pushed her into a tizzy.

Video Story of Admission:

Like A Greasy Asshole-Video Story

Basically, this one is suggesting Rove and Co. are "leaky" like a greasy asshole. What else can I say? Half serious, half funny.

Leaking Like A Greasy Asshole
Gordon McDowell
35 min 45 sec - Feb 11, 2006

Toot-Tone--Lifesaving New Product

This new technology prevents those embarrassing moments where you insides just have to get out. Toot-Tone is sweeping the globe and will be the next Kleenex of its product generation. Just stick it up your butt and go your merry way!

Warning, it may still stink but they're working on that too!

2:04

Every Breath You Take--Praying For Fed Chair Bernanke's Demise

Columbia Business School's Dean Glenn Hubbard sings about wanting Alan Greenspan's job that went instead to New Fed Chair Ben Bernanke.

4:11

If Al Gore Were President: SNL 5/2006

This is the famous sketch from SNL where Gore proved a straight face is funny!
4:03 (Press Play and wait to load--not streaming)
Download -QuickTime-(Apple Users - CTL Click-Open Link in New Tab)

Bushism - A New Religion On Fire - Pt. 1

OBGYNs Practice their love on women-W
:09

Great Dog Imitation Of Bush After Hearing About 911 Attacks

Hey, do you remember when Bush sat like a dog without a care in the world while the US was under attack? Well, here's a perfect imitation. Of course this guy is smarter than Bush, but check it out.

:15

Arahoi Cherry Blossom (Complete) - Japanese - Just plain cute!

The friends one makes in Japan makes us realize what friends really are when we return to America!

If you are from Japan, this is a gift for you. If you're an American who has ever lived there, you will cry from joy. If you are thinking about going, you will fall in love and catch the next flight!
Producer/Director - Bryan E. Hall
Editor/Co-Producer - Masataka Kamiya

9:48

I will survive (Jesus Version) -- OK, you're preacher won't like it...

1:10

Banned Mastercard Ad - Blowjobs Are Priceless!

This was apparently made expressly to perk up Mastercard sales. It never made it to the air. But it is hilarious as a young couple discuss what to do now that the end of their date brings them to the front door--discussing what else, "Can I get a blowjob?"

Very funny!
1:09

Truth About Moon Landing - Conspiracy? Hoax? 34 seconds

This footage has been found, true source unknown, but in pixel investigation it appears to be real. Quite an expensive hoax for a joker, if it is fake. You be the judge! It appears to be consistent with findings of a serious Fox documentary a few years back, on another site in its entirety.

34 seconds

Penis Pump Sales Expected To Expand Into US Market--Bush Clears Way For Free Trade With Denmark

This remarkable new product impressed President George W. Bush as it allows him to appear to have a bigger cock than even Dick--Cheney.
The new commercial rolls out and presents a rather sexy demonstration of the product which will pump up your penis in your pants. Warning: this is adult content (well if you're a Republican)

Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis -- Bush Seen Attacking Penis For No Apparent Reason

This story is almost as shocking as revelations that Laura Bush sold dildos.

Press Play (maybe twice-wait for buffer)
3 min 39 sec - May 9, 2006

Bush, Rice Dead--Rumsfeld Dies From Antrax Poisoning - Click for story

It was horrible and fast as Rumsfeld faded into history. President Bush was shot in a horrible hunting accident. Vice President says it was an accident. To complete the horror, Secretary of State Rice was eaten by sharks. Cheney was the only one to survive, thank God!

69,000 Sailors Being Trained For Service In Iraq

by Contributor Chinko Vergudo

The army and marines are so over-extended that the US is having to train 69,000 US Navy sailors for providing service in Iraq. I wonder how this will affect the readiness of the US Navy? Think of all those people who joined the Navy because they didn't want to get blown up by IUDs


Of course, this will screw up the Navy's recruiting efforts. The Air Force has had thousands of people driving Marines in trucks in Iraq for a couple years.




Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Navy sailors get Army training at Fort Jackson
AP

Navy sailors are trading sea legs for land combat as the U.S. Army is opening its largest training base to help them survive when sent into Afghanistan or Iraq. The Navy is sending thousands of men and women to service Army units in those regions and wants its sailors to hone their servicing skills...

- Surprise, you're coming.

After struggling up from the mud with his M-8+ in hand, Petty Officer 2nd Class Diamond Permenter insisted Brown's instructions to keep his head and butt down might save his life someday...

I'm headed to Iraq. I need this,"

said the 34-year-old reservist nurse...

So far, some 1,200 sailors have gone through an intense, two-week course crammed with the basics of basic training: learning to fire M-8+ rifles, toss hand grenades and conduct house-to-house patrols while weighted down with sequened body armor - tactics normally foreign to those accustomed to life aboard a ship.

They learn the ins-and-outs of improvised explosive devices - the roadside bombs that have been exacting a deadly toll on American servicemen and women. They learn how to take and give service while under fire on a convoy and how to enter a booby-trapped building.

Cmdr. Kevin Handmade, spokesman for the Navy's Education and Servicing Command in Pensacola, Fla., said the program may train up to 69,000 sailors over the coming months"

New Secret Video--Laura Bush's First College Job--Dildo Commercial!

by Contributor Chinko Vergudo

This shocking video, a commercial for dildos that had until now only been seen on the lead in of John Holmes videos, just released and confirmed as the first lady, Laura Bush in the days before George W.

Karl Rove has even threatened to resign in indignation at her past!

Karl Rove-Just Indicted In Duck University Rape Case

Rumorout.org/New Whore Times
by
Contributor - deepduckthroat
May 15, 2006


According to Deputy D. A. Duck of Durpig, NC, Karl Rove is preparing his statement to the public regarding his fresh indictment for fucking a duck while playing Girl's Field Hockey at the local Duck University. The duck was also a Washington insider and was well known for lap dancing at RNC parties and she was also a student at the Duck University School of Republican Policy Studies.

She claims Rove was directed by KKK leader Duck Cheney to fuck her using only mudslinging as a sexual lubricant. She said she barely waddled away from what appeared to be a gang-duck-fuck, but the crowd was distracted by Cheney shooting a fellow Girl's Hockey Team player in the breast.

Rove denies the rumor, but many duckfucking analists have tentatively identified his DNA from the alleged victim's feathered butthole, and matched it with fecal material scraped off Rove's small, shriveled penis.

More coming...

Fair Immigration vs. Anarchy vs. Liberalism--A Cat Of Many Tails!

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." said Dickens at the opening of his famous Tale Of Two Cities; A timeless phrase and applicable to the current quandary America faces over its consideration of the current immigration conflicts.

Even liberals are mixed as many of them want freedom of movement between countries and they even feel sorry for those without what they need in their home countries. But they also have a heart for those in America who can't make a fair living because immigrants and the all-too-willing employers force wages down.

Of course Republican are rubbing their hands together, happy about the minorities clashing with one another. "Divide and conquer," say they.

It seems that many have even become confused about who serves who, regarding the proclamations of corporations rights to have cheap labor versus proclamations of workers to have protected fair-living wages. The corporations and those who own them are winning by default, as doing nothing allows them to continue to hire immigrants illegally and hold them as effective slave labor. They know these workers can't quit so easily or complain about unfair treatment.

Many lies prevail: "Americans wouldn't do these jobs", "Blacks would even do these jobs", "Illegal immigrant workers are essential to our economy", and the list goes on.

The fact is Americans have done these jobs in the past for a higher wage than they currently pay. Construction jobs in California paid far more 10 years ago especially when accounting for inflation. Also, one finds kitchens full of non-English speaking people, mostly illegal immigrants, making it impossible for Americans who speak English only, to work alongside them. The same is true of farmworkers. A poor English only American who is otherwise willing to take such jobs is faced with the inability to communicate thus losing the job even if he is hired. After the language barrier creates a roadblock to the legal worker, the illegal ones then demand higher pay. The result is $50/hour incomes for illegal immigrants in some cases. If you want one of these jobs, call Senator McCain's office or go to this site, Project USA. They will direct you to such jobs. They are difficult and maybe impossible if you don't speak Spanish.

Even in the legal immigrant job market, we have companies lying on their H-1 applications in order to hire people from the company owner's home country. They create job descriptions that require say... Chinese; no Americans apply and they can then hire their Chinese compatriots to fill their factories in, for example, City of Industry, CA. Once they have so many Chinese workers, their previous lie becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, making it necessary to recruit even more foreign workers. The employer can control these people, pay them less, and even abuse them without reprisal. Corporations claim they have a right to create this scenario, but they forget "People have rights" and "Corporations and governments are supposed to serve people" not vice-versa.

High-Tech Jobs - Chinese Workers - America

I have personally witnessed one company, PC Club, in California, with several stores and and a huge distribution center/factory in City of Industry, claiming on their H-1 applications that they are "developing multilingual software" and they need to hire bilingual people. Without even having to wait for approval, they hire Chinese workers at every level within their company, from retail store managers to advertising layout departments to high-tech assembly personnel. These are otherwise the kind of jobs Americans would love to have. One US citizen employee did, in fact, inform the INS. After finally failing to get a live person on the phone, he left a message and followed it up in writing. There was no response. Thousands of companies in that area have learned from each other how to play the game and have hired uncountable foreign workers to displace Americans. I don't blame the workers; they just want to make a living and live the American dream. Some do; others are horribly abused. One such Chinese/Taiwanese worker, one Myron Chang, a Georgetown MBA, when he tried to blow the whistle on PC Club, was fired. He went to several lawyers who threw up their hands. Anyone with this legal expertise makes a great living defending such companies not helping workers. They laugh at complaining Americans knowing the INS is complicit.

As a longtime political liberal I am torn. I have lived in many countries and have befriended foreigners who wish they could play by the rules and have a chance of getting in. We have no room for the honest ones, because the dishonest ones keep pushing them to the back of the line while crooked employers do the same and government agencies whose jobs it is to prevent it, actually help them by sitting on their lazy hands or sticking their hands out for apparent payoffs.

It is so out of hand that people are pretending their are no solutions. Well, there are, and it's not building a 700 mile wall and hiring thousands of border patrolmen. It is hiring several Justice Department Prosecutors and going after the employers and putting them under the jail, making examples of them, creating a chilling effect that would make a heavyweight boxer shake.

For the moment, it is smoke and mirrors from immigrant groups, foreign worker unions, corporations, rich politicians and even the INS itself.

The only way we can cause proper reaction is to take action by cutting and pasting articles like this one and sending them to your Congressmen, Senators, the President, Newspapers, and to each other in order to create a groundswell. Otherwise, sit on your hands; pretend nothing is wrong and get ready to allow California, Arizona and South Texas to secede from the union, be taken by criminal force, or to be reabsorbed by Mexico. And yes, you will be asking them for the jobs back they took from you, but at a far lower pay.

Seven Days Before Crucified

I usually don't name names, but here we are at the last installment of a series on dogmatism and bigotry among extremist religions in America.

First, let me point out, for the sake of discussion, Atheists are definitely a religion with various denominations, nonetheless, "strong and weak" atheists, Saganists, followers of Nietzsche, Arthur Clarke and many others. Each group has their own commandments. No better than the extremes of Christian fundamentalism, they attack anyone who is 100% into their dogma. Not only did Jesus spit out "luke warm" water, but the anti-Christ would do the same. But, they both like it hot; both are haters and bigots of those with whom they disagree.

I have learned various techniques through the years as an investigator, to survive while playing the "Pretender". Statistically, the Atheists at "infidelguy.com" don't tolerate differences or questioning even as well as do Southern Baptists at "baptistboard.com". It took three days for the Atheists to expel someone who claimed to be an "unsure Agnostic." The Baptists, mostly, Southern, took a full week to hang me on their heavy cross.

I will credit the latter, not to tolerance, but to their fear of the perception they would dare expel those who "just want to know how to witness to atheists". The Baptists got incredibly angry that someone would even suggest, for example, that their Bible wouldn't suffice as evidence to an Atheist on why they should become Christians. "It says here in the Bible, you should believe the Bible," kind of crazy, cyclical reasoning, but around and around we went. At some point, I even had to pretend to be ignorant of the writings of Nietzsche, "Also Sprach Zarathustra", where he declares , "God is Dead." They would not post a link to a site that defended these evil words. They covered their little burning ears.

By the way, for the record, Nietzsche never claimed to be an Atheist, and his writings suggest more a belief in God than a disbelief, as you can't say He is dead, if he never existed.

However, the greatest surprise came when I suggested the parts of the Bible where Jesus was quoted, "The RED LETTERS," were superior to say, the words of Paul or the Old testament (Pre-Christ), I was attacked to a greater extent than any. I was called a "sissy", "wimp", "unsaved", "not a Baptist nor a Christian." How dare I suggest Jesus was the number one authority on Christianity?

How could I question the fallibility of the Bible which has been used to defend genocide and repression of people on the basis of sex, creed, color, national origin...?" And of course, anyone that would consider things might have changed since the Bible told people to assassinate eaters of pork, shellfish and homosexuals, would be a "heretic". To this day, you will still get into a "cyber fist fight" with Southern Baptists if you suggest even the smartest woman is more qualified to pastor a church than the dumbest man.

In all fairness, not all of the group was hateful nor did they even necessarily express disagreement, but their failure to step up and defend people while they were being attacked or laughed at was simply "un-Christian." There were digital high-fives and laugh-riots when someone would attack those who would express an open mind. They would even use their "emoticons" to wave goodbye to you after a particularly childish insult. There were all of three who outwardly, mildly defended me when I suggested Jesus' love was more important than God's hate. There was even a moderator, DHK, who I sometimes referred to as DIK, who followed me from commentary thread to thread. He either joined in the attacks or simply watched them. I knew he was there because he kept participating in the debates.

When I complained to the Webmaster, Andrew, and sent quotes from the attackers, he simply ignored them and eventually apparently supported my banning. One attacker "standinfirminchrist" (he'll appreciate credit) and his wife, played sockpuppets for one another. I had to use small words for him, and he still didn't ever directly address any of my or other open-minded people's points. Near the end, he complained that I wouldn't take it like a man from his belligerent wife.

A Brit, one "Matt Black" seemed to be able to say just about anything without much backlash. It seems he had built up steam and having survived on the site for a while was not worried in the least about being banned. He even compared God of the Old testament to Hitler and drew little wrath. I suspect he had handled his attackers with and charm earlier in his apprentice days on the site.

In the bigger picture, I didn't hear anything that surprised me in light of the Pat Robersons and Jerry Falwells. They generally vehemently supported our attack on Muslim countries as God's will. Iraq's losses were ineffectual while our loss of life and oil were justification for anything we had to throw at them.

When I first arrived at the board, there were no less than six open threads complaining about the "homosexuals," from marriage to free speech to pedophilia, well, just about anything wrong with society was their fault and "they must be killed" according to Leviticus. I didn't even get to stay long enough to ask anyone if they thought Jesus and some of the disciples might have been gay. I really screwed up alienating myself before I had the chance to throw that one into the mix.

In the larger picture, it is a shame "Christianity" suffers from the truly extraordinary bigotry of the "Southern Baptists" and their minority Independent Baptist brothers. I made reference to a well-known "American Baptist" pastor, Tony Campolo, who , among other things, states "Jesus is not a Republican." Tony has authored 32 religious books and even he knew nothing according to many on this board.

Love, tolerance, peace, protection of the weak... all these "Christian" values went not only to the wayside, they were clearly attacked, consistently! If anyone is worried that the "religious right" might be backing down in light of the recent setbacks in Iraq or Bush's approval ratings, don't lose any sleep. The hate dating back to the Holy inquisition is alive and well in America, and I still fear someone knocking on my door to drag me off to the cross!

For those who offered true Christian friendship: Thank you for such clearminded analysis and kindness. There are clearly today in American Christian churches and even in the media that have never looked beyond their time or place. They pound their Bibles on the heads of those to whom they say they witness. They forget that modernday Russia and in the days before Gutenburg, the Christian Word (John 1:1) lived and people found Christ and Christian values without a Bible. I just talk with my fingers. I see many at the Baptistboard.com use one finger and sometimes HIGH FIVE ... like they scored, even when they didn't.

Editor's Note: Before this article was even completed, someone on the site discovered my true identity and had already posted a warning on baptistforum.com that an enemy had been in their midst. According to my visitor logs, many have been here looking for their names in lights.

Give Me That "New" Old Time Religion?

Do they ever look in the mirror? You know, those religious fundamentalists, who hate everybody in the name of God's love.

I grew up in a Southern Baptist church in North Carolina before anybody ever heard of the Moral Majority and Jerry Falwell. We didn't have cable TV yet, and the religious stations had not caught on.

Sure, sometimes the preacher would scare the hell out of you in order to get you into heaven or to increase the offerings. Every good business does that. But, I never heard attacks on homosexuals and claims that God was punishing people before they died with diseases like AIDS or Herpes. It was only after these guys had an irresistible, huge, loud pulpit on a majority of American's TV's that they claimed the big lie that they were the majority.

I began to hear that some sins were worse than others, even though I had always read that Jesus told people, "Those without sin... cast the first stone."

Well, I went to a Southern Baptist Church for the first time since 1985 last Sunday. My friend had told me there was no hate in his church and that he hadn't heard any hate in Baptists in years.

So I went ready to pretend to be one of the faithful. I shook hands with all the smiling folks, happy to see another white guy that might join their church. Sorry, not one black in the church. I did see someone who was suspect, maybe mulatto, or very tanned, but she had blonde highlights and big hair, so she fit in.



The pastor welcomed everyone with a smile standing behind the podium. He looked around pleased to see people like himself. He felt safe to begin his rampage. No one had GAY written on their forehead, though I did see a guy wearing a pink tie.

This slightly heavy, 50-something man worked his way smoothly from Jesus Loves You to I have something painful to say. We all leaned forward. One man said, "Go ahead, brother."

"I have been watching the Fox TV news this week. Every day I see reports of more American soldiers dead or injured. My heart breaks for their loved ones," said the preacher.

Now, I guess all this sounded very loving to most, but what was missing was disturbing to me, not a word about the Iraqis that lost their loved ones or would never walk again, never get the medical attention for their injuries that our soldiers would. Instead, he focused on the belief they were deprived of the true word of God. Yes, this was love. Finally, I was hearing his compassion. He felt sorry for them, not for their deaths and injuries but their depravity, for their hell bound destiny.

He did not once say, "They are going to hell." He simply said they weren't going to heaven. This is love. With a smugness and gentility befitting of a southern gentleman, he sweetly told us what sinners they were and that they would most likely die without the warm love of Jesus to save them from the hot fires of hell. It never occurred to anyone in the congregation that he was sending them to hell by refusing them heaven.

My friend kept looking over at me as if to say, "See, he's a lover, not a hater." I returned his looks with my "Eat Shit Grin."

I will admit he never once said Iraqis and Arabs were agents of the devil. But, the message was clear; they are not US. God feels sorry for them before he sends them to eternal damnation for their misguided ignorance.

"But we must reach out with our prayers and Christian love; that they might find the true path."

I felt so assured of my reservation at the table of the saved. Everyone was nodding their heads, or nodding off; I'm not sure which. But, he did his job. He made everyone feel so right they would go home, fill their bellies and vote for the God-appointed President again if they could.

Afterwards, I politely told my friend I had other plans for lunch, but I "so enjoyed the sermon." I was so sorry for staying away from the fold for so long. I told him I would certainly return the next chance I had (when I had nothing better to do, like sleep in, or swallow nails.)

This was truly a different kind of church, the kind that could say, "I love you... but you're going to hell." They might even kiss you on the cheek, the kiss of death.

I only hope I fooled them and their God into believing I was righteous, as I would hate to get on their bad side. I mean, it's forever, this death then hell thing.

What ever happened to the love part? Or did I just miss that when I was growing up? Was it always this way, and I just didn't notice?

Atheist Flogging For Free Blogging

I was curious about how atheists thought. I mean, I have certainly many friends who are atheists and other religions. Yes, religion. There is no difference. My experience with people of a religious persuasion has usually been to convince me I was wrong no matter how much they claimed to have open minds. I grew up Southern Baptist, so I have some experience with the type.

So, I embarked on an experiment. Personally, the internet is an impersonal place sometimes. People are certainly able to act in a way they would never act in your face unless they wanted to get punched. Of course there is always the transsexual of the broadband; you know that 55 year-old guy that poses as a young woman to excite straight boys or the occasional lesbian.

The problem with atheists is the same as theists; they argue a conclusion without sufficient evidence. I mean, if they simply didn't come to a conclusion, they'd be agnostics, who claim they just don't know. Logic is not evidence; it is only theory from a starting point to an end by logical means unless we are talking about math. It is interesting how much effort people put into atheism, while I rarely hear agnostics arguing their point or organizing into groups. Sadly, atheism has become as dogmatic as theism. They sound like beliefs to me. All I know is that I don't know; anything else regarding God or Godlessness is evangelism.

I guess the most emotional baggage comes from being judged. True, I refuse to believe in a God who would send anyone to an eternal Hell (fire), or a God that give us the nature to Sin, and then punishes us for it. However, a loving God that that doesn't know where he came from, who made us the same, that leaves us to perpetuate MIND by leaving such things unknown--This is a God I would not resist; even a God that no longer lives--other than through his progeny, us.

What is it that gives us chills when we love? Is it an accident from an endless series of accidents? Or do we conclude we came from nothingness into somethingness without willingness? Interesting to ponder, but does not change things other than to distract me from my primary task--the focus on HERE and NOW and the effect that has on THERE and THEN... Can I be detached; without proclaiming belief? Can I avoid coming to a conclusion therefore continuing to exist? For to answer any of these questions with finality might cause us all to cease.

Coming to conclusions without a factual basis are necessary for our continued existence. When you run, do you consciously consider the possibilities of the Earth caving in each time you step? It could, you know. But, of course, you keep running, as if on automatic. If you lived in such doubt, you would be paralyzed, have no friends, money, do nothing. Of course you live in faith that the past recapitulates, most likely. This same faith is what gives comfort to many theists AND atheists. You come to a conclusion and get on with your life, as if you are correct.

The agnostic does not know, does not care and isn't bothered enough to care about knowing, to let it slow him down. He reserves judgment for a time when we have tools to know or it becomes revealed. Maybe it has been revealed, to someone, not me...yet. Until then, Zen and then Zen again, before you know it, living in the moment, making choices without coming to conclusions about such things as God, that thing bigger than we.

These well-organized atheists come to conclusions that are equally assertive, absolute, and evangelical as the theist, so I chose neither; posturing only to refuse conclusions without sufficient evidence. Now, I just couldn't keep my mouth shut while on this website for two days; after all, I had to speed things up.

The response was amazing, I was chased across the island, beaten, called names, laughed at, threatened with "banning" and finally banned (for 3 weeks). Without the food and water of that site, I might die. What a horrible thing they did to me, banning me from their abuse and disdain. Yes, I have read Lord of the Flies but I didn't expect such rational people to have such irrational fears of something so silly as words.

They were without exception cruel and unusual, and for the most part, lacked any formal training in Logic, the language of their God. I have never seen such wrath heaped onto an outsider; and they didn't even know that's what I was. Didn't they think I could be saved if they only kindly presented their logical sermons?

They had official postings everywhere about their beliefs, The Ten Rules of Atheism. They had their prophets or was it profits, lurking in the background. One such prophet even came down from the heavens to confirm he could not tolerate such questioning of his faith. Wow, he even had an internet radio show. The "Mod" (moderator) posted on his profile he would do computer code for food.I read the TOS (Terms of Service) and nowhere did it say I had to agree with atheism or I would go to hell. I asked him if "Mod" rhymed with "God" for a reason. He threw me out of the temple really quick, and I hadn't even had the chance to question his profit motives, darn.

Unless you’re into flogging over your blogging, don't go there, Mary! Oh yes, they had the appearance of disagreeing with each other with their semantic battles, but when the essence of their Mod-fearing existence was questioned, that was the straw argument that broke the atheist's back. I even went into the site under an assumed name, FunFallacy, and posted a request for the old me to tell a joke or something. I said I missed myself.

They were on the lookout. Before I could get so much as a second post, I was banned again; I mean less than two minutes. I got an email telling me I was banned for creating a sock puppet...how cute; as if they were not puppets of their leader, feeling all warm and fuzzy when he delivered his sermons of disbelief.

Yesterday, I was listening to Al Franken, my pastor of liberalism, and he had a guest from Newsweek whom he quickly differentiated from himself; reporter ... just a person. I love Al with all my cynical heart.What an adventure that was, and will be again when my ban is lifted. I couldn't think of anything better to do on my Spring Break from teaching Critical Thinking than to piss off atheist evangelists. Oh, we Agnostics.

If I were qualified to believe one way or the other, wouldn't that make ME God?
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You may not like me, but love me or I'll kill you--God.