Saturday, June 23, 2007

Reid and Congress/Striking Likeness to Infamous Child Molester

Reid had no comment as to whether or not they were
blood relatives or even long lost twin brothers, but he
pointed toward where people might find evidence
of a connection.
As Congressional approval, both Republicans and Dems, hits an all time low, Senator Harry Reid faces another major problem for which only nature could be blamed. His apparent twin, Dale Hutchings, a Pennsylvania elementary crossing guard is infamous for things other than sneaky legislation. He is possibly the biggest haul ever for law enforcement as he faces 1000 sex charges.

The interesting coincidence is that not only is there a strange likeness between Reid and Hutchings but that recent polling suggests the same approval ratings for the jobs they are doing.

Quinnipiac RV (6/5-11/07 Congress/Child Molestation)
23 Approve
66 Disapprove
11 Unsure

Reid said: "Despite the similarities in our popularity, our tactics were quite different. Child molesters usually do their jobs in the light of day while congress often sneaks around at night raping the American public while they were at home sleeping."

Related Articles
Crossing Guard Faces 1,000 Sex Charges
teachersbehavingbadly (below)
A school crossing guard accused of molesting seven children was charged with more than 1,000 counts of sexual assault.

Dale Hutchings was arrested Tuesday and charged with 305 counts of raping a child, 356 counts of aggravated indecent assault against a child under 13, and 356 counts of indecent assault against a child under 13.

The assaults took place between 1998 and 2007, and all of the victims were under 13 when the attacks began, police said.

Hutchings, of Berwick, worked as a crossing guard near Orange Street Elementary School. He also worked for the Berwick Area Ambulance Association and was a high school band booster.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Bush, Pope & Kevorkian Come to Agreement On Memorial Day

by D. Arthur Vader,
Coroner and Death Editor

It was an auspicious occasion indeed as the leader of the free world, the Christian world and of those who voluntarily die came together in a meeting of strange bedfellows. As we honor the fallen dead on Memorial Day in the US, both papal edict and executive order provided a legal and spiritual out for Dr. "Death" Kevorkian.

Dr. Kevorkian took it under advisement but decided to reserve the right for a future occasion as not to overshadow the much more popular death of our soldiers,
"I am honored by the clear endorsement from Mr. Bush and the Pope of my death, but I think it is only fair we celebrate the death of thousands of US soldiers and I dare say many in Iraq are celebrating the deaths of more than 100, 000 of their own people. I only wish I could have been there to assist."
The Pope, in a surprise turn, declared the reestablishment of purgatory with a special spot for Kevorkian at the time of his choosing. Bush joined in by suggesting he wished he had it so good, as he is quite sure he is going to the deepest fires of hell when he dies.

Richard Dawkins, well known leader of the Atheist Church and author of the God Delusion, suggested he only wished there was a hell for Bush so he could join his longtime friend, Rev. Jerry Falwell who recently died just short of this day of death celebration.

Bush's comments were very brief as he had many deaths to celebrate.
"As you know, I never attend funerals but I don't mind people dying, so long as it's not one of my friends. And Dick, don't shoot me in the face, hehe."

Many on the Democratic side of the aisle accused Bush of pandering to the dead and dying.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Dream Interpretations Of President 'W' -- Official Announcement Of Mental Illness

Regular Contributor,
Chinko Vergudo

It seems those who have been complaining that President Bush has been "dreaming" or that he must been "asleep", have apparently turned out to be too close for comfort.

Here is a picture (photo-realistic projection) of one of the images from the President's dreams. It was recently released in an attempt to clarify Bush's position on "listening to others".

You see, 'W' has a rare disease of deafness to ideas called Intellipanica. According to child Dr. Benjamin Spock, Jr. the son of the well-known doctor of the same name from the sixties, 'W' believes he is still a child. Spock took up where his famous father left off. Sock Sr. originated the idea of "never spanking your children" ; he has been tracking the President for many years continuing his father's research.
Spock says, "The disease appears to affect approximately 25% of Americans, mostly either suffering from poverty and illiteracy or they are among the incestuous royal upper class."
The machine, the highest of technology, gives us a rare glimpse into the head of our President and frankly such technology is not affordable to the ordinary American, though we could all use the benefit of clarity that comes from viewing the images created by the brain while dreaming, which Mr. Bush apparently does a lot.

Dr. Spock suggests that an instant deafness occurs to Mr. Bush when he hears good ideas, and he reverts back to his childhood when he was forced to listen to tapes of intelligent men and women who advised his father. Despite, the ideas being of the same party, he seems to simply "shut down" and go into a child's world; a kind of narcoleptic attack, during which he dreams of animals attempting to bite him while he waits for his mommy when she is in the store.

It seems that Barbara, his mother, used to leave him in the car for hours at a time with the windows up and Secret Service guards posted outside the car, while the temperature rose to well over 120 degrees inside the car, frying his brain. The result is a kind of zombi-ism that appears to many to be simply smiling and nodding in agreement. But, Mr. Bush, much like Terry Schiavo, is in a vegetative state. In wealthy families, it often goes undetected as they will get into the right schools anyway, despite their poor thinking skills. Alcohol seems to help slightly at early stages of the disease.

In W's case, he was very popular and assumed intelligent as his father had been. The Bush family is only now admitting that he needs help and puppetmaster Karl Rove has been called in to administer his usual revival methods while helping Mr. Bush to appear to be in control.

According to VP Cheney, he just needs a kick in the ass to get him back into reality from time to time, but now he is slipping and may very well fall into a permanent vegetative state soon if not already. It is hard to tell, according to Dr. Spock.

Now that the problem is out in the open, it all make sense why he appeared disinterested and blank when Chief of Staff Andrew Card informed him of the 9/11 attacks. He just kept listening to the children's stories and that seemed to give him the coping mechanism to which he had become accustomed.

Much like his predecessor, Reagan, it appears not to matter as VP Cheney claims he has compensated for the mental illness. It should be noted W has been sleepwalking recently, mumbling, "Don't shoot me in the face," and loudly calling Laura a "cunt" while asking his twin daughters to pass him the bottle, which they do.

The first lady has adjusted well as her dosage of Zanax is more than sufficient to keep her smiling most of the time. Meanwhile the President slips more deeply into the disease and there appears to be no cure.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Unsuccessful Suicide Bomber on American Soil: Attempt on Cheney's Life

Thank God For Small Miracles!

As the plane began its landing approach to Chicago, the enemy flew into action. Yes, a terrorist posing as a bird committed suicide by flying into the engine of the plane. Thankfully, the pilots were well-trained to handle such an incident and took evasive maneuvers.

The plane landed safely,
and no one was hurt.
Vice President Dick Cheney
gets off his plane in Chicago.


Cheney was on his way to unleash harsh criticism against Dems, as usual, and apparently foreign agents or possibly Americans (yet to be determined) or those compromised by the Democrat Anti-War movement, made their attack on the VP's plane without regard for the possible death to many others aboard the plane: SS agents, and other patriots.

"All of a sudden we heard this tremendous bang," said Jon Bernaden, a passenger on that flight. "We were pretty lucky that the pilot and the engine did exactly what they were supposed to do" as their anti-terrorist training kicked into action.

Northwestern University professor Aaron Gellman said that while "it's very rare that there's any life-threatening effect from a bird strike of a commercial aircraft," it can cause enough to damage to shut the engine down or cause a fire as any enemy of the state would know.

Other birds crowding in to view the incident expressed sure outrage at the failure, as they still share a consensus disgust with Cheney for his hunting practices.

Luckily for America, VP Cheney is fine after doctors have cleared him of any effect on his ailing black heart.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Karl Rove, Cheney and Others Cleared of All Charges at Duck University Whore Times
Contributor - deepduckthroat

As a followup to the original article about the prominent case, Members and fans of the Duck University Girl Field Hockey team can let a sigh of relief today as all charges were dropped.

As it turns out the overly aggressive prosecutor was trumped by the overly aggressive prostitutor, Dick Cheney as he claimed executive privilege with assurances from head Duckfucker Bush that immunity would prevail if the the privilege were challenged.

Many members of the duck community have protested, claiming that Rove and Cheney were abusing their sexual positions. Many Duck party members were seen quacking and shaking their asses today, which probably led to the original Duckfucking incident in the first place.

Karl Rove, in a brief press conference today said, "Justice has prevailed. Every Duckfucker should feel vindicated today as the appropriate blame on Ducks and a recognition of every man's right to fuck Ducks was upheld today.

Now that the case is closed, the question is how it will effect the political prospects of other members of the Duckfucking Party in upcoming 2008 Presidential Erections.

Nancy Pelosi, quacked on that "this only reflects badly on Duck University, and should minimally result in a careful consideration in the future admissions of admitted Duckfuckers to Duck University."

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Involuntary Transvestite-Man Pleads for His Penis Back, Wife Throws it to the Dog Next Door

Since we can't find any good lies this week we will have to settle for the painful truth, yet again.

Yao Fengfang from China has received a 3-year suspended sentence for severing her husband's penis because she suspected he was cheating. Her husband, Li Gengbao, requested clemency so she could care for him "for the rest of his life."

"My wife was holding a large part of my penis, and I pleaded with her to send me to hospital immediately, but she refused firmly, and when I pleaded with her to give me back the cut penis, she threw it out of the window," Li said.

Li was able to drive himself to a hospital which immediately dispatched staff to find the man's missing member. Unfortunately for Li a dog belonging to a neighbor found and consumed the penis before staff could retrieve it.

Photo Demonstration:Mattel

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