Friday, June 02, 2006

Is Ann Coulter A Man? If So--She's Got Balls!


Press Briefing by the President

THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. Please be seated. Let's get right down to business. This morning, I am joined here at the presidential podium by my good friend and tireless champion - the lovely and talented Ms. Ann Coulter.

MISS COULTER: That's "Miss Coulter," not "Ms."

THE PRESIDENT: My mistake. Please forgive me.

MISS COULTER: I would never be known as Ms. Coulter. "Ms." is liberal, Gloria Steinem code for "Attention all fat, hairy bull dykes within earshot! My hot clam requests the pleasure of your filthy tongue's epileptic company!"

THE PRESIDENT: I did not know that. But let's move on, because I am hopping mad. Earlier this morning, when I received my daily 5AM singing "Wake Up, Sleepyhead" call from Karen Hughes in Texas, I learned about a vicious, unsubstantiated, HATEFUL rumor which is being spread about Miss Coulter. Namely, that she is in fact a man.

MISS COULTER: This is exactly the kind of liberal lie that I expose in my book Slander, which is now available at fine booksellers nationwide (and online) for the almost offensively low sale price of $15.00. In this 240-page masterpiece, I effortlessly and brilliantly debunk every liberal myth about conservatives. Preposterous myths - like how we secretly hate kikes, jigaboos, gooks, faggots, spicks, and sand niggers - but have lately taken to twisting things around and make it sound like it's really the liberals who hate them.

THE PRESIDENT: And you do a splendid job of it, Ann.

MISS COULTER: I know that! I don't need you to tell me how splendid I am. Anyway, I thought we were talking about my book.

THE PRESIDENT: Actually, no, we're here because I want to help clear up this nonsense about you really being a man. Now I want everyone to know - there's simply no way this can be true. Never mind Ann's rich, gravelly baritone, her commanding height and forceful jawline - or the fact that she arm wrestles Arnold Schwarzenegger under the table every year at the GOP celebrity retreat in Branson, Missouri. Because yes, Miss Coulter is in fact a genuine piece of Grade-A poontang, and will one day soon become successfully impregnated by a wealthy and statuesque Aryan stallion, at which time she'll do like a good Republican lady and quit all this silly "working" and "pretending to know what she's talking about" and wearing "lady pantsuits." So I want you to all to read my lips and get this through your thick skulls: Ann Coulter has always been, and always will be a woman.

MISS COULTER: It's hardly a surprise that liberals would concoct such an absurd lie about me. They do it all the time. In fact, coming up with sickening lies about formerly flat-chested good girls who wear size 15 pumps is an integral part of one of their most important daily rituals - the ceremonial vivisection and cannibalization of living, white human infants.

THE PRESIDENT: Is that a fact?

MISS COULTER: Absolutely. And when they're done feasting on the tender young flesh of the white race, they regroup several hours later to defecate together on rug-sized reproductions of the United States Constitution. And then of course, they pray to Satan and Allah while strapping each other into latex gravity boot systems so they can hang upside down like rabid, naked fruit bats for the rest of the day and watch Phil Donahue on MSNBC while urine runs down their inverted torsos and in to their hideous, liberal, gaping maws!

THE PRESIDENT: The depth and accuracy of your knowledge never fails to amaze, Ann.

MISS COULTER: Don't patronize me. It won't work - because I haven't forgotten how you cozied up with Mr. Fatso Slut Murderer - Ted Kennedy - to write that Socialist education bill earlier this year. So tell me, President Bipartisan Lovefest, are you actually a liberal?

THE PRESIDENT: You know, I think I've successfully diffused this silly notion of you being a man. Why don't we wrap this up, Ann?

MISS COULTER: Answer the question! Are you now or have you ever been a member of the liberal intelligentsia?! Did you not attend Yale and Harvard Universities? Were you not born in CONNECTICUT?! Oh wait, so was I. Never mind on that one.

THE PRESIDENT: Guard! Please show Miss Coulter the door.

MISS COULTER: You can run from the truth, but you can't hide, LIBERAL! TRAITOR! I've got a throbbing eight-inch staff of conservative payback in my panties that's got your name written all over it!! So come on over and take it like a man!

THE PRESIDENT: Take her away, boys.

MISS COULTER: It's just a matter of time! The real right-wing of this country will have its revenge! We will storm your...

(Secret Service Scuffling & Muffled, Gruff Yelling.)

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all for coming. God Bless America.

Once and for all-Is Ann Coulter really a man? Poll Results Official!
Free polls from


Anonymous said...

That Adams apple deep sexy voice and total ignorance give her away as a him!But she' s stil a M.I.L.F.
Oh no does that make me gay?or am I a male lesbian,I'll take the latter.

Anonymous said...

Don't be so fecking ridiculous.

Women have the same physiology as men in the neck area, usually less noticeable but that does not mean that she is a man.


Anonymous said...

For proof that Ann Coulter is a man, see

Anonymous said...

Look at those legs! And those arms, for that matter. Dude looks like a lady.

Ann's Lover said...

Well, when she and I made love, I noticed her vagina was only about 5 inches deep (dead give away) about as deep as her thinking. But her big mouth made up for it!

Leslie Lim said...

It is great to have the opportunity to read a good quality article with useful information on topics that plenty are interested on.

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