Showing posts with label faux. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faux. Show all posts

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Reid and Congress/Striking Likeness to Infamous Child Molester




Reid had no comment as to whether or not they were
blood relatives or even long lost twin brothers, but he
pointed toward where people might find evidence
of a connection.
As Congressional approval, both Republicans and Dems, hits an all time low, Senator Harry Reid faces another major problem for which only nature could be blamed. His apparent twin, Dale Hutchings, a Pennsylvania elementary crossing guard is infamous for things other than sneaky legislation. He is possibly the biggest haul ever for law enforcement as he faces 1000 sex charges.

The interesting coincidence is that not only is there a strange likeness between Reid and Hutchings but that recent polling suggests the same approval ratings for the jobs they are doing.

Quinnipiac RV (6/5-11/07 Congress/Child Molestation)
23 Approve
66 Disapprove
11 Unsure

Reid said: "Despite the similarities in our popularity, our tactics were quite different. Child molesters usually do their jobs in the light of day while congress often sneaks around at night raping the American public while they were at home sleeping."

Related Articles
Crossing Guard Faces 1,000 Sex Charges
teachersbehavingbadly (below)
A school crossing guard accused of molesting seven children was charged with more than 1,000 counts of sexual assault.

Dale Hutchings was arrested Tuesday and charged with 305 counts of raping a child, 356 counts of aggravated indecent assault against a child under 13, and 356 counts of indecent assault against a child under 13.

The assaults took place between 1998 and 2007, and all of the victims were under 13 when the attacks began, police said.

Hutchings, of Berwick, worked as a crossing guard near Orange Street Elementary School. He also worked for the Berwick Area Ambulance Association and was a high school band booster.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Bush, Pope & Kevorkian Come to Agreement On Memorial Day


by D. Arthur Vader,
Coroner and Death Editor


It was an auspicious occasion indeed as the leader of the free world, the Christian world and of those who voluntarily die came together in a meeting of strange bedfellows. As we honor the fallen dead on Memorial Day in the US, both papal edict and executive order provided a legal and spiritual out for Dr. "Death" Kevorkian.

Dr. Kevorkian took it under advisement but decided to reserve the right for a future occasion as not to overshadow the much more popular death of our soldiers,
"I am honored by the clear endorsement from Mr. Bush and the Pope of my death, but I think it is only fair we celebrate the death of thousands of US soldiers and I dare say many in Iraq are celebrating the deaths of more than 100, 000 of their own people. I only wish I could have been there to assist."
The Pope, in a surprise turn, declared the reestablishment of purgatory with a special spot for Kevorkian at the time of his choosing. Bush joined in by suggesting he wished he had it so good, as he is quite sure he is going to the deepest fires of hell when he dies.

Richard Dawkins, well known leader of the Atheist Church and author of the God Delusion, suggested he only wished there was a hell for Bush so he could join his longtime friend, Rev. Jerry Falwell who recently died just short of this day of death celebration.


Bush's comments were very brief as he had many deaths to celebrate.
"As you know, I never attend funerals but I don't mind people dying, so long as it's not one of my friends. And Dick, don't shoot me in the face, hehe."

Many on the Democratic side of the aisle accused Bush of pandering to the dead and dying.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Dream Interpretations Of President 'W' -- Official Announcement Of Mental Illness

Regular Contributor,
Chinko Vergudo


It seems those who have been complaining that President Bush has been "dreaming" or that he must been "asleep", have apparently turned out to be too close for comfort.

Here is a picture (photo-realistic projection) of one of the images from the President's dreams. It was recently released in an attempt to clarify Bush's position on "listening to others".

You see, 'W' has a rare disease of deafness to ideas called Intellipanica. According to child Dr. Benjamin Spock, Jr. the son of the well-known doctor of the same name from the sixties, 'W' believes he is still a child. Spock took up where his famous father left off. Sock Sr. originated the idea of "never spanking your children" ; he has been tracking the President for many years continuing his father's research.
Spock says, "The disease appears to affect approximately 25% of Americans, mostly either suffering from poverty and illiteracy or they are among the incestuous royal upper class."
The machine, the highest of technology, gives us a rare glimpse into the head of our President and frankly such technology is not affordable to the ordinary American, though we could all use the benefit of clarity that comes from viewing the images created by the brain while dreaming, which Mr. Bush apparently does a lot.

Dr. Spock suggests that an instant deafness occurs to Mr. Bush when he hears good ideas, and he reverts back to his childhood when he was forced to listen to tapes of intelligent men and women who advised his father. Despite, the ideas being of the same party, he seems to simply "shut down" and go into a child's world; a kind of narcoleptic attack, during which he dreams of animals attempting to bite him while he waits for his mommy when she is in the store.

It seems that Barbara, his mother, used to leave him in the car for hours at a time with the windows up and Secret Service guards posted outside the car, while the temperature rose to well over 120 degrees inside the car, frying his brain. The result is a kind of zombi-ism that appears to many to be simply smiling and nodding in agreement. But, Mr. Bush, much like Terry Schiavo, is in a vegetative state. In wealthy families, it often goes undetected as they will get into the right schools anyway, despite their poor thinking skills. Alcohol seems to help slightly at early stages of the disease.

In W's case, he was very popular and assumed intelligent as his father had been. The Bush family is only now admitting that he needs help and puppetmaster Karl Rove has been called in to administer his usual revival methods while helping Mr. Bush to appear to be in control.

According to VP Cheney, he just needs a kick in the ass to get him back into reality from time to time, but now he is slipping and may very well fall into a permanent vegetative state soon if not already. It is hard to tell, according to Dr. Spock.

Now that the problem is out in the open, it all make sense why he appeared disinterested and blank when Chief of Staff Andrew Card informed him of the 9/11 attacks. He just kept listening to the children's stories and that seemed to give him the coping mechanism to which he had become accustomed.

Much like his predecessor, Reagan, it appears not to matter as VP Cheney claims he has compensated for the mental illness. It should be noted W has been sleepwalking recently, mumbling, "Don't shoot me in the face," and loudly calling Laura a "cunt" while asking his twin daughters to pass him the bottle, which they do.

The first lady has adjusted well as her dosage of Zanax is more than sufficient to keep her smiling most of the time. Meanwhile the President slips more deeply into the disease and there appears to be no cure.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Unsuccessful Suicide Bomber on American Soil: Attempt on Cheney's Life

Thank God For Small Miracles!

As the plane began its landing approach to Chicago, the enemy flew into action. Yes, a terrorist posing as a bird committed suicide by flying into the engine of the plane. Thankfully, the pilots were well-trained to handle such an incident and took evasive maneuvers.

The plane landed safely,
and no one was hurt.
Vice President Dick Cheney
gets off his plane in Chicago.

CBS

Cheney was on his way to unleash harsh criticism against Dems, as usual, and apparently foreign agents or possibly Americans (yet to be determined) or those compromised by the Democrat Anti-War movement, made their attack on the VP's plane without regard for the possible death to many others aboard the plane: SS agents, and other patriots.

"All of a sudden we heard this tremendous bang," said Jon Bernaden, a passenger on that flight. "We were pretty lucky that the pilot and the engine did exactly what they were supposed to do" as their anti-terrorist training kicked into action.

Northwestern University professor Aaron Gellman said that while "it's very rare that there's any life-threatening effect from a bird strike of a commercial aircraft," it can cause enough to damage to shut the engine down or cause a fire as any enemy of the state would know.

Other birds crowding in to view the incident expressed sure outrage at the failure, as they still share a consensus disgust with Cheney for his hunting practices.

Luckily for America, VP Cheney is fine after doctors have cleared him of any effect on his ailing black heart.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Karl Rove, Cheney and Others Cleared of All Charges at Duck University

Rumorout.org/New Whore Times
by
Contributor - deepduckthroat

As a followup to the original article about the prominent case, Members and fans of the Duck University Girl Field Hockey team can let a sigh of relief today as all charges were dropped.

As it turns out the overly aggressive prosecutor was trumped by the overly aggressive prostitutor, Dick Cheney as he claimed executive privilege with assurances from head Duckfucker Bush that immunity would prevail if the the privilege were challenged.

Many members of the duck community have protested, claiming that Rove and Cheney were abusing their sexual positions. Many Duck party members were seen quacking and shaking their asses today, which probably led to the original Duckfucking incident in the first place.

Karl Rove, in a brief press conference today said, "Justice has prevailed. Every Duckfucker should feel vindicated today as the appropriate blame on Ducks and a recognition of every man's right to fuck Ducks was upheld today.

Now that the case is closed, the question is how it will effect the political prospects of other members of the Duckfucking Party in upcoming 2008 Presidential Erections.

Nancy Pelosi, quacked on that "this only reflects badly on Duck University, and should minimally result in a careful consideration in the future admissions of admitted Duckfuckers to Duck University."

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Obama Not Really A Man! Snipped at the Madrasa


It's true. He's not black. But more, he's not really a man, a US Senator, charismatic, smart or even a Democrat. You heard it: when he was in college at Yale he pledged the same secret Skull and Bones (Bush's buddies) and became a mole for the Republicans.

During his initiation they planted a "Manchurian Candidate" implanted message. As soon as he hears, "So help me God," he will instantly become Dick Cheney.

How do I know this? I'm black and I work for Fox!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Foley-"I gotta big one"---Bush---"Well, in Texas we got some whoppers!"



By Chinko Vergudo

You know, those Washington guys should really be aware of the hidden shotgun microphones and telephoto cameras.

I a recent conversation between President Bush and then Congressman Mark Foley, the two were heard and seen exchanging conquest stories. I can only say they are clearly size queens. Who would have known this conversation would come back to haunt them now that Foley is "out"?


I will tell you this: it had something to do with the real reason Cheney is the bigger man in this administration. I only wish I had not been warned this conversation had been deemed a matter of national security and had been classified, but it is a "big" story. I guess we will have to wait until the file has been declassified by the upcoming Democratic president Ronald Reagan, Jr.



While Cheney is the man behind the president he knows who's on top, Bush certainly prefers to bring people to their knees. Oops! I wasn't supposed to let that one slip. But you never heard it from me.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Need Glasses? Always Know What You're Blowing!

OK. Let's face it; Blowjobs are funny! This ad for an optical company could only run in a free country... Germany.

This is just in case you were wondering why you couldn't feel it.


Friday, June 02, 2006

Raising Twin Harlots Can Be Difficult


Laura Bush is interviewed for the first time on the difficulties of raising her twin harlots. This story is possibly the funniest I have read on the net. The funniest thing is the painful poetic jusctice that is the truth. Betty Bowers reports:

Bush Family Criminal Empire--Funny If It Were A Joke

Source: Political Strikes

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Toot-Tone--Lifesaving New Product

This new technology prevents those embarrassing moments where you insides just have to get out. Toot-Tone is sweeping the globe and will be the next Kleenex of its product generation. Just stick it up your butt and go your merry way!

Warning, it may still stink but they're working on that too!

2:04

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I will survive (Jesus Version) -- OK, you're preacher won't like it...










1:10

Banned Mastercard Ad - Blowjobs Are Priceless!

This was apparently made expressly to perk up Mastercard sales. It never made it to the air. But it is hilarious as a young couple discuss what to do now that the end of their date brings them to the front door--discussing what else, "Can I get a blowjob?"

Very funny!
1:09

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Truth About Moon Landing - Conspiracy? Hoax? 34 seconds

This footage has been found, true source unknown, but in pixel investigation it appears to be real. Quite an expensive hoax for a joker, if it is fake. You be the judge! It appears to be consistent with findings of a serious Fox documentary a few years back, on another site in its entirety.

34 seconds

Friday, May 19, 2006

Penis Pump Sales Expected To Expand Into US Market--Bush Clears Way For Free Trade With Denmark

This remarkable new product impressed President George W. Bush as it allows him to appear to have a bigger cock than even Dick--Cheney.
The new commercial rolls out and presents a rather sexy demonstration of the product which will pump up your penis in your pants. Warning: this is adult content (well if you're a Republican)

Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis -- Bush Seen Attacking Penis For No Apparent Reason

This story is almost as shocking as revelations that Laura Bush sold dildos.

Press Play (maybe twice-wait for buffer)
3 min 39 sec - May 9, 2006

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

69,000 Sailors Being Trained For Service In Iraq

by Contributor Chinko Vergudo

The army and marines are so over-extended that the US is having to train 69,000 US Navy sailors for providing service in Iraq. I wonder how this will affect the readiness of the US Navy? Think of all those people who joined the Navy because they didn't want to get blown up by IUDs


Of course, this will screw up the Navy's recruiting efforts. The Air Force has had thousands of people driving Marines in trucks in Iraq for a couple years.




Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Navy sailors get Army training at Fort Jackson
AP

Navy sailors are trading sea legs for land combat as the U.S. Army is opening its largest training base to help them survive when sent into Afghanistan or Iraq. The Navy is sending thousands of men and women to service Army units in those regions and wants its sailors to hone their servicing skills...

- Surprise, you're coming.


After struggling up from the mud with his M-8+ in hand, Petty Officer 2nd Class Diamond Permenter insisted Brown's instructions to keep his head and butt down might save his life someday...
I'm headed to Iraq. I need this,"
said the 34-year-old reservist nurse...

So far, some 1,200 sailors have gone through an intense, two-week course crammed with the basics of basic training: learning to fire M-8+ rifles, toss hand grenades and conduct house-to-house patrols while weighted down with sequened body armor - tactics normally foreign to those accustomed to life aboard a ship.

They learn the ins-and-outs of improvised explosive devices - the roadside bombs that have been exacting a deadly toll on American servicemen and women. They learn how to take and give service while under fire on a convoy and how to enter a booby-trapped building.

Cmdr. Kevin Handmade, spokesman for the Navy's Education and Servicing Command in Pensacola, Fla., said the program may train up to 69,000 sailors over the coming months"

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

New Secret Video--Laura Bush's First College Job--Dildo Commercial!

by Contributor Chinko Vergudo

This shocking video, a commercial for dildos that had until now only been seen on the lead in of John Holmes videos, just released and confirmed as the first lady, Laura Bush in the days before George W.

Karl Rove has even threatened to resign in indignation at her past!


Monday, May 15, 2006

Karl Rove-Just Indicted In Duck University Rape Case

Rumorout.org/New Whore Times
by
Contributor - deepduckthroat
May 15, 2006


According to Deputy D. A. Duck of Durpig, NC, Karl Rove is preparing his statement to the public regarding his fresh indictment for fucking a duck while playing Girl's Field Hockey at the local Duck University. The duck was also a Washington insider and was well known for lap dancing at RNC parties and she was also a student at the Duck University School of Republican Policy Studies.

She claims Rove was directed by KKK leader Duck Cheney to fuck her using only mudslinging as a sexual lubricant. She said she barely waddled away from what appeared to be a gang-duck-fuck, but the crowd was distracted by Cheney shooting a fellow Girl's Hockey Team player in the breast.

Rove denies the rumor, but many duckfucking analists have tentatively identified his DNA from the alleged victim's feathered butthole, and matched it with fecal material scraped off Rove's small, shriveled penis.

More coming...

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